Lazy Mountain West Roundup

It’s not worth reading in any depth, breadth or width about other teams in our conference. AND YET. After the first full weekend of games and in the interest of competitive awareness, let’s take just a cursory glance at scores from around the league:

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CBSSports.com

California 51, Hawai’i 31

Rainbow Warriors were rolled by Berkeley in Australia (over a week ago!). News travels slow from the other side of the globe. Without knowing any details about this game we should conclude that Cal’s defense is highly suspect after giving up 31 to a lower-tier MW team.

Utah State 45, Weber State 6

WEB is Weber State, which is probably somewhere in Idaho, which is nothing but potatoes and sovereign citizens. 45 points is good but allowing six to the Webers? Suspect. Update: Weber State is in Ogden, Utah.

New Mexico 41, SDAK 21

At Albuquerque, the Lobos scored a lot but gave up 21 to … SDAK. South Dakota-Arkansas? South District Alaska? I can’t even make out a nickname from the tiny logo. Some things are best unlearned. Let’s move on.

UNLV 63, Jackson State 13

The Rebs dropped 63 on JAST at old Sam Boyd, comfortably covering the -40 line by 10. No point shavers here no sirree! Have UNLV students even registered by Sept. 3? If UNLV was smart they’d wait until October to start classes, when the average high is only 97.

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Colorado 44, Colorado State 7

Colorado State is allegedly one of the 11 schools still in the running for Big 12 expansion. Be skeptical. CSU makes sense geographically but hey look they just got crushed by Colorado, who are only nominally a Pac-12 school. Nice try Rams; you’re stuck in this shitpile with the rest of us.

Nevada 30, CP 27 (OT)

The Wolfpack are sure lucky they escaped disaster against whoever CP is. Creighton-Pacific? Crystal Palisades? Cyan Providence. The CPs traveled to Reno and almost pulled an upset heard ’round Lake Tahoe. Update: “CP” is Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, who’ve beaten the Aztecs as recently as 2008. Yikes.

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Michigan 63, Hawai’i 3

UH already has two losses by a combined score of 114-34. Are these payday games really worth it, Hawai’i? I saw a highlight of Crazy Jim Harbaugh slamming and punching the shoulder pads of a Michigan QB, which is all we really need to know here.

Boise State 45, ULL 10

ULL, is that … Louisiana-Lafeyette? Well hells bells it is our old friends the Ragin’ Cajuns. They got stomped at home by the Smurf Turfers. You could read all of three paragraphs about it at OBNUG, but why would you do that?

Air Force 37, ABIL 21

Air Force is the other MW school supposedly still in the Big 12 steeplechase. Air Force Academy only has 4,000 students for gosh sakes. I’m sure Mr. Bob Bowlsby is very impressed by the Falcons’ 16 point win over ABIL, whom I take to be Abilene. Wild Bill Hickok’s murderer Jack McCall claimed he had acted in revenge for the killing of his nonexistent brother in Abilene (maybe, it was a plot line in Deadwood). Air Force has no business allowing 21 points to the likes of Abilene OR the coward Jack McCall.

Update: ABIL is Abilene Christian University, who have been playing football since 1919. They only have 4,474 students too! Is Abilene a Big 12 candidate?

Tulsa 45, San Jose State 10

San Jose State is terrible.

Nebraska 43, Fresno State 10

The FSU Bulldogs slobbered over to Lincoln and got Cornhuskered. Nebraska was left unranked in the AP “others receiving votes” group six spots BEHIND the Aztecs, so that doesn’t bode well for Fresno. Pinhead sports writers will probably jump Nebraska 10 spots ahead of SDSU with this win.

San Diego State 31, New Hampshire 0

The Aztecs opener wasn’t even livestreamed, so only those of us in the building saw the slow start that became an easy dub. But it’s a good scoreline. We STOMPED those Shirelings! as far as anyone knows.

Wyoming 40, Northern Illinois 34 (2 OT)

I saw some of this game (advance scouting) as it was still on after midnight due to delays for normal life-threatening weather in Laramie, elevation 7,220 feet. It seemed like both teams scored fairly easily but unimpressively? If I hadn’t crashed before it went to OT I would’ve been rooting for 14 “overtimes” so they wore each other out. College overtime rules are STUPID.

NEXT WEEK in the Mountain West:

SDSU hosts in-state rival UC Berkeley while the rest of the conference slides further into irrelevance. Games:

Nevada at Notre Dame – Ooh, that should go well for Nevada-Reno.
Wyoming at Nebraska – Huskers pad their record with another MW opponent.
Georgia State at Air Force – Way to schedule the tough ones, AFA.
Washington State at Boise State – The Cougs just lost at home to FCS power Eastern Washington, so don’t be too impressed if Boise gets a win over Pac-12 bottom feeder WSU on the blue turf.
Texas-San Antonio at Colorado State – CSU looks to get off the schneid at home vs the UTSA Roadrunners of Conference USA.
New Mexico at New Mexico State – Smart scheduling. One of them has to win.
Sacramento State at Fresno State – Lol. MID STATE RIVALRY. Sac State is bad.
Portland State at San Jose State – Possible further embarrassment for SJSU.
UNLV at UCLA – Rebs open as -26 point dogs at the Rose Bowl.
Utah State at USC – So much drama at SC. Aggies could make it an interesting game, or get their ass handed to them.
Tennessee-Martin at Hawai’i – Rainbows get a W in their home opener.

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Author: lemonverbena

Californian/Washingtonian, co-editor of Kabeer Thirty.

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