In what is sure to be a huge relief for all those worried there would not be an Aztecs men’s basketball season, SDSU has released its schedule for 2016-17. There is much to digest. Let us chew on this together.
Nov. 3 vs UC San Diego – No love, nor enmity, nor mild annoyance is lost when these bitter crosstown rivals clash.
Nov. 7 vs Cal State San Marcos – No love is lost when these bitter sit-for-two-hours-on-Interstate-15 rivals clash.
Nov. 11 vs USD – No love is lost when these bitter cross-town rivals clash. Wait, that’s not a joke this time! Real talk: the Toreros have a heavy-sack beating coming to them after last year’s Petco Shitshow, and it’s going to be glorious. I hope.
Nov. 14 at Gonzaga – Gulp.
Nov. 16 vs San Diego Christian – Tiny NAIA school from Santee gets another payday game, and yes, no love lost.
Nov. 21 at California (in Sacramento) – It’s no big deal to play Cal in hoops, but it’s kind of a big deal to play the first college basketball game in the new Kevin Johnson Memorial Corporate Welfare Palace and Food Court. This is the first of a three-year series vs. Cal.
Dec. 3 at Loyola Chicago – The Loyola campus is located on the far north side of Chicago, hopefully far enough to avoid the booze-fueled hellflames from an impending Cubs’ World Series celebration/apocalypse.
Dec. 7 at Grand Canyon – Another payback game, but this one … this one might actually be tough. Hopefully we can snatch Thunder Dan’s Eggo this time. No word on whether this will be played in the Grand Canyon.
Dec. 10 vs Arizona State – The marquee game of the home slate! Not super sexy but moderately attractive. I hate ASU, mostly because they’re exactly the school we would be if a Power Five conference ever added us. 😦
Dec. 12 vs Alabama State – Long road trip for the HBCU from Montgomery.
Diamond Head Classic at Honolulu
Dec. 22 vs Southern Miss – We last played these guys in Alaska, now we get them in Hawai’i. Fun fact: in the year it currently is in Mississippi, neither Alaska or Hawai’i have achieved statehood yet.
Dec. 23 vs Tulsa or Stephen F. Austin – Shit why not both, right?
Dec. 25 vs TBD (probably Utah) – Maybe you should be paying attention to your family instead of watching this, just a suggestion.
Mountain West Conference Play
We play all the dumb schools a bunch of times so let’s not break those down individually. The great part is NO ROAD TRIP TO WYOMING. The weird part is the first conference game is New Mexico at Viejas on New Year’s Day.
If you like, go to the schedule and add in your own jokes about our conference opponents. Here are a few applicable terms to fill in the blanks:
- Farm animals
- Who cares
- Our house
- Crystal meth
- Potato tears
Enjoy the 2016-17 basketball season!