The six fans you are sure to meet on the Aztecs bandwagon

As I mentioned in my last entry, San Diego State athletics’ incredible climb to prominence over the past eight-ish years has given rise to an insufferable eclectic group of entitled passionate jackasses fans. But not all SDSU supporters fit the same mold.

Here are the six types of Aztecs to watch out for:

Current Student Who Doesn’t Really Care
What are they wearing: Either a green t-shirt or a blue flannel.

Look for them to show up at Viejas halfway into Mountain West play. They’ll arrive 3 minutes before tip expecting to get into the front row and have to settle for the 17th. They are drunk. Hooo boy, are they drunk. They will most certainly scream “FUCK COLORADO!” at Colorado State during the national anthem. The first call that goes against SDSU will prompt an enthusiastic “BULL-SHIT” chant which concludes with uproarious high fives. They can’t name three players on the team but if they find their way on the jumbo-tron you can bet your life they will hit the dab.

Former Football Player
What are they wearing: Exclusively these t-shirts.

You’ll find these guys at the Warrior Walk, splitting a truckload of Karl Strauss between the four of them. They’ll get a little rowdy, but they hold their liquor well. After surviving the Craft and Lesser Long years, they’re experienced enough. If not for that knee injury against New Mexico in 2000, they totally would’ve gone first round with Kyle Turley. They could tell you stories about what went down on the 7th floor of Chappy. They could but they won’t.

Former Basketball Player
What are they wearing: Something decidedly lit.

The great thing about the basketball players is they show back up when you least expect it. It’ll be the third quarter of a mid-season football game and Billy White will roll into Qualcomm, do a lap around the field level, fist-bump a thousand people and disappear before the 4th quarter starts. Or maybe they have seats reserved for them courtside at Viejas for a major Mountain West game. They waltz in during the second media timeout with an entourage of low-rent Jeremy Castleberrys (Castleberries?) and get recognized on the big screen while two knuckles deep in their nachos. Bonus points if they bring an adorable daughter wearing mini Jordans.

Mr. AztecMesa
What are they wearing: You already know.

Find this guy at Viejas Arena. He’ll sit there with his arms crossed the entire time, completely joyless. He enjoys no part of SDSU sports or being a fan. He comes to these games exclusively to boo our own players for any turnover, missed shot, display of emotion or general existence. Occasionally he’ll mix it up and scream at the ref or turn to someone near him to call a player a thug. He regularly leaves with 4 minutes remaining in the game after grumbling “act like you give a damn!” for 90 minutes. Donald Trump is unfairly treated by the biased media, if you ask him.

Burnout Alum From 20-Plus Years Ago:
What are they wearing: Giveaway t-shirt from when it was called Jack Murphy Stadium.

The SkyShow game is this guy’s Christmas. He’ll round up all his high school buddies from La Mesa, pile in the ’98 Pontiac, load up the cooler with Coronas and head to The Murph, man. Look for him tailgating on the outskirts of the stadium parking lot and getting decidedly sloshed before playing flag football with a bunch of 11-year-olds. Occasionally, this guy will cash in his empties at the Lakeside recycle center and book a Southwest flight to a road football game. He’ll scream at the 45 other Aztec fans in the stands to “SHOW SOME FUCKING SPIRIT” before stumbling three rows down trying to take off his hoodie. Do not tell this man the old on-campus bar Louie’s is closed. He’s got enough sadness in his life, man.

Former Member of The Show
What are they wearing: The black I Believe shirt from 2011, which has been washed hundreds of times and faded into a light gray. (Full disclosure: Hey that’s me!)

You’ll find these guys sitting together in clumps at home or in one obnoxious horde on the road. They’ll sing the fight song with just a little TOO much enthusiasm and fondly reminisce about all those times they successfully catfished opposing players on MySpace or made a BYU fan cry in front of her children. Try to have a reasonable, adult conversation with them at a bar before a road game and they’ll respond by screaming the lyrics to Uprising until the bartenders offer them free shots just to leave. They have strong opinions on Drew Gordon.