Game Preview: Aztecs at South Alabama

What: San Diego State Aztecs at South Alabama Jaguars
When: Saturday, October 1 at 5 p.m.
Line: Aztecs -17.5

We knew the time was coming, a battle of secession that will see San Diego State leave the union, skip right over statehood (go to hell, “San Diego’s not even a state”-rs) and become a sovereign nation with its own Keg ‘N Bottle. It’s the Aztecs of San Diego State vs. the ‘Mericans of – oh, that’s University of South Alabama? I, uh…ignore the secessionist talk, Alabamans! I was kidding the whole time!

Do you recall the last time the Aztecs lost a game of American football? It’s been a year! Literally, one calendar year prior to this past Monday! Do you recall what happened the week prior to the last game the Aztecs lost? Well, they lost that game, too. This week’s game is on the ass end of a home-and-home, and last year’s South Alabama game was a 34-27 overtime loss at Qualcomm Stadium. This aggression will not stand, man. No way, no how! I think.

Why should we be scared of them?
A casual glance at South Alabama blogs and forums (I start all great stories out like this) suggests we shouldn’t be scared in the least. They are preparing to get rolled. On the other hand, USA beat the Aztecs at Qualcomm Stadium last year. While the Aztecs are obviously now invincible … perhaps a road game against one of the last teams to beat you isn’t one to sleep on? USA beat Stingray’s Mississippi Bulldogs in the first week of the season, subsequently lost to Georgia Southern and the RAGIN’ CAJUNS of Louisiana-Lafayette, then eeked out a 1 point win vs. Nicholls State. Interesting run.

Do they have anyone worth watching?
RB/KR Xavier Johnson was a finalist for the Paul Hornung Award, and TE Gerald Everett was the week 1 recipient of the weekly version of John Mackey Award (last year’s overall winner was Hunter Henry, now of the Chargers). Josh Magee, a former minor league ballplayer (though, not the same Josh Magee drafted by the Padres in the 2015 draft) is a weapon at WR, but might be out for the game with a knee injury. Basically, they have weapons at skill positions. On defense, Jeremy Reaves is a hard-hitting CB and considered to be one the best in the Sun Belt Conference.

Why should we hate them?
Why should we hate anyone/anything? Isn’t this world full of enough hatr – forget it; they beat us and we can’t let that shit go. We’re petty, we’re awful and fuck them for making us that way. Also, USA Jaguars sounds like a car club for middle-aged bros. They get together to drive around back roads, then take up all of the parking at the Sizzler in Murrieta Hot Springs so they can all go inside, eat cheese bread and talk about how great it was to drive around Temecula that afternoon. Makes me sick.

Do they have any famous alumni we can make fun of?
Mike Mordecai, Jon Lieber, Juan Pierre, Lance Johnson, Adam Lind. Take your pick of a middling major leaguer, because it seems they all went to USA. I’m going with Luis Gonzalez, though. Luis Gonzalez wasn’t a middling player – in fact, he was pretty good. Still, by the end of his career, he had the arm strength of a small child. I could have snagged an extra base on him, assuming I was able to hit the ball out of the infield.

Will we beat them?
You bet your ass. Probably.

Author: Advisory Columnist

On the Twitter @EgosAndDespair, where I mostly tweet about stuff that has nothing to do with why you followed me to begin with. Follow along!


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