What: San José State Spartans @ San Diego State Aztecs
When: Friday, October 21 at 7:30 p.m.
TV: ESPN 2
Line: Aztecs -23.5
TONIGHT, WE DINE IN HELL!
If you stopped reading after a 300 quote, I don’t blame you. Rest assured that this is just as ham-fisted an idea as anything else I’ve had, and I simply looked it up. It’s bad, but not that “wow, this guy actually enjoys and is quoting 300” level of bad. Kind of like San José State football! *thumbs up*
It’s the *Googles furiously to see if there’s a name for this game* El Camino Real rivalry week. If you can’t get up for this night, I can’t help you.
Why should we be scared of them?
When Malik Roberson’s given a heavy workload this season, he’s performed. He put up 139 yards vs. Nevada-Reno last week … forget it. No, I can’t think of an actual reason to be scared of the Spartans other than your typical “San Diego Sports”-type bullshit. Always make sure you are prepared for the worst thing to happen, always expect the other shoe to drop and always freak out like you had no idea it was coming. We should only be scared of our own hubris. I think fearing only our own hubris is also hubris, so I guess the Aztecs are fucked.
Do they have anyone worth watching?
Backs Roberson (Sophomore), Deontae Cooper (Freshman), and Zamore Zigler (Freshman) have combined to create one (1) Donnel Pumphrey. Kind of. Their running attack is decent, and at least worth paying attention to.
Why should we hate them?
Did you know the all-time series between San José State and San Diego State is 19-18-2 in favor of the Spartans? At one point, the Spartans won 11 straight. That was a long time ago, however. Mr. AztecMesa or Burnout Alum From 20-Plus Years Ago probably hate the fucking Spartans.
Hate them for that, or their brief 2000s win streak, the fact “Spartans” is as creative a nickname as “Wildcats”, or because of those guys who think putting a spartan helmet sticker on the bumper above the Truck Nutz on their Toyota Tacoma makes them look like a tough guy … really, pick a reason. We’ll take it.
Do they have any famous alumni we can make fun of?
Krazy George Henderson, inventor/creator/writer-director of The Wave. We got a lot of play out of UNLV alum Guy Fieri, but the walking embodiment of everything that’s wrong with television, cuisine, how “cool” uncles dress and the United States as a whole doesn’t hold a candle to the horse shit that is The Wave. He was once voted off of “America’s Got Talent” in 9 seconds. I don’t know if that’s remarkable, but it seems like it could be.
Speaking of embarrassments of the cultural and culinary variet, Joey Chestnut is a Spartan! Joey has won the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest nine times, and is currently Major League Eating’s #1 ranked glutton IN THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD. He has set or holds world records in: hot dogs, pork ribs, fried asparagus, matzoh balls, holy shit how is he not dead and hard-boiled eggs.
How can we put a bow on this package filled with gluttony and generally unappealing Americana? Daniel Scoggin, Spartan alum, is the founder of T.G.I. Friday’s! The best thing about T.G.I. Friday’s is that Harry Anderson from Night Court was once their spokesman. If an old gas station, a grocery store’s frozen food section and a Trump rally had a baby, it would be T.G.I. Friday’s.
Scratch what I said earlier in “Why should we hate them?”, because this is why.
Will we beat them?
Let’s keep it simple: San José State’s running game is decent, but the Aztecs have one of the best run defenses in FBS. San Diego State has the best running back in FBS, while the Spartans run defense is … not good.
‘tecs by (quite) a few.