If the University of San Diego is our little sister, that makes San Diego Christian … what? Our totally-not-fake Canadian girlfriend?
That kind of works, actually. Let’s go with it.
Well, consider this the perfect time to conjure up our Canadian sweetheart. After the hobbled-as-hell Aztecs men’s hoops team was dumped on its ass by Gonzaga on Monday night, turning the page by playing an imaginary basketball team from an imaginary college was just what the love doctor ordered.
No, really, guys! I’ve got a hot date with the San Diego Christian Hawks tonight! That is a totally real team that definitely exists!
It worked out like we all imagined it would.
SDSU won 81-58 in a game that featured exactly one memorable moment: a San Diego Christian player (it was No. 1; I could look up his name but really, what’s the point?) missing a fast-break dunk and then getting T-ed up for hanging on the rim. It was tremendous. The rest of the game, not so much.
How can we describe the quality of San Diego Christian College, an NAIA ballsquad representing a 1,000-student campus in Santee?
Sadly, we never did find out. Not that many were there to take note.
Ordinarily a game like this would be a great time to empty the bench and get newcomers comfortable in their roles. Unfortunately, SDSU doesn’t have much in the way of a bench at the moment. Valentine Izundu, Matt Shrigley, Malik Pope and Max Hoetzel did not suit up.
Oh, speaking of Max …
Is …. is Max Hoetzel imaginary, too? Shit!
Then the game started and Montaque Gill-Caesar got popped in the face and didn’t return. Then Dakarai Allen rolled his ankle, but returned to the game and scored a bunch of points after, so no worries.
As a result of all that, the top scorers looked about like what you’d expect for a real game against an actual basketball team: Jeremy Hemsley (23), Trey Kell (19), Zylan Cheatham (15) and Allen (15).
The Aztecs now have four days off to get healthy-ish before heading to Sacramento to face a team that definitely does exist: the Cal Bears. I expect we’ll see Izundu, Pope and Shrigley in that game.
Actually, expect might be over-selling it.
I imagine we’ll see them.