Rocky Long live the king

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Did you know there are people who sincerely believe the earth is flat? It’s true! There are living, breathing, functional human beings who are convinced that our planet is not spherical.

There are also people who think vaccinations turn children gay and that Del Taco is better than Taco Bell. Even more absurd than all of those maniacs are the people who think SDSU football would be better off without Rocky Long.

And it’s not just the crazy ramblings in the trenches of AztecMesa. Our mostly-reasonable local columnist thinks he should go, too:

It’s hard to believe after consecutive seasons with double-digit wins and back-to-back conference championships, but there really are people who would like to see Rocky step aside and see SDSU go after some sort of young hotshot coordinator from a Power 5 school.

We tried that.

It didn’t work.

And let’s pretend for a second that it did. Follow me to a magic land of fanciful wonders, where Chuck Long actually succeeded at SDSU. Let’s imagine he went 2-0 against Cal Poly and Brandon Sullivan didn’t fumble on the one inch line at Notre Dame and in Chuckers’ third year his team beat New Mexico 70-7 and knocked off undefeated Utah to win the Mountain West. Pretty cool right?

Sure, until he left to take the UCLA job before the bowl game patches even got sewn on the jerseys.

Look at our next opponent, Houston. We’d all do unforgivable things to have the season they had last year. A Peach Bowl trophy on their mantle and a Big XII invite was practically in the mail. But then that invitation never arrived and the Longhorns backed up a dump truck full of money to Tom Herman’s house. Annnd back to the drawing board for the Cougars.

Or how about this year’s darlings, Western Michigan? At least Houston has a new stadium and reasonable prayer for a spot in a big boy conference. PJ Fleck will take his rowboat full of caffeine, Red Bull and amphetamines to a Power 5 job soon enough. Maybe not this year, maybe even not next. But the only way WMU could hope to hold on to him is if he starts losing four or five games every year. That doesn’t seem like a fun reality to live in if you’re a… uh… Mustang?… It’s a horse, right?… BRONCOS. Yeah, that sucks for Broncos fans.

Meanwhile, we have a proven coach with no desire to pick up and move, leaving his beloved Ocean Beach behind. (His band of rapscallion hobos would be devastated.)

So for the anti-Rocky crowd, how are you OK with rolling the dice every few years? Your best case scenario is the next Tom Herman for three seasons before he jumps ship and you’re just as likely to wind up with Chuck Long 2.0. You’re basically saying that if you can’t be Alabama, we might as well be San Jose State.

That’s some Ricky Bobby shit by which can not abide.

If you’re not content with the current state of SDSU football, then you just aren’t really a college football fan. And that’s OK. Your Saturdays are probably a lot more productive and emotionally fulfilling than mine. But do the rest of us a favor and sit there unhappy in silence.

The rest of us are enjoying the hell out of this ride and hoping we don’t have to get off anytime soon.

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Author: AttemptedChem

Former member of The Show. Current Showlumni podcaster. Forever defeater of Kawhi Leonard at beer pong.

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