K30 staff predictions for the 2017 Aztecs football season

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The Three-Eyed Raven, noted seer of mid-major college football

Last year, in our first ever Kabeer Thirty staff season predictions, we got a little … overly exuberant. We had New Years Six and even PLAYOFF predictions for the 2016 football Aztecs (I had us in the Poinsettia Bowl, for the record, because I am a dick).

Well, we’re a year wiser and a little bit more measured in our enthusiasm. But that is not to say we are unenthusiastic!

Here are our lukewarm expert staff picks for the 2017 San Diego State football season.

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Some over/under action for the upcoming football season

gambling

I pride myself in knowing our readership. As such, I can say one thing for certain: Y’all a bunch of degenerate gamblers. Well, in the spirit of giving the unwashed masses what they want, I’ve set over/unders related to individual and team performances for the 2017 football squad.

If you would like to place actual wagers on these, please meet me in the alley behind the South Campus Plaza Trader Joe’s on Friday at 4 p.m. No cops.

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Adding up success for the 2017 Aztecs

The Rock, Rocky Long, it all adds up

This is the time of year where I typically crank out an easy post attempting to define success for the upcoming football season.

But it’s not as easy as it used to be.

As the bar gets keeps getting raised higher for the San Diego State football program, this exercise gets tougher. Back in 2011 when I started blogging, it was essentially, “Please stay decent and don’t go back to losing 70-7 to New Mexico.” Last August, in the wake of SDSU’s first outright conference title since 1986, it was a little more complicated.

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Get ready to watch some underclassmen from the comfort of your super chill cabana

cabana

We’ve been waiting in breathless anticipation to see what San Diego State is going to do this year to make the Concrete Tombstone feel like a real home, rather than a crumbling purgatory used to rightfully imprison the most pathetic owner in pro sports. We’ve talked about the possibilities before on the blog, but so far SDSU has been pretty mum on its intentions.

Even at least week’s scrimmage, the most notable change was what wasn’t there.

Today, we got some more clues. Bye bye end zone sections, hello … Premium Hospitality Cabanas?

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Aztecs return to the Tombstone for the scrimmagiest of scrimmages

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Bend the knee.

Two weeks from the opener and in the wake of the Great Chickenpox Panic of 2017, the San Diego State fanfest/scrimmage/infectious disease quarantine saw the Black Team beat the Red Team 27-6 on Saturday.

Wait. Or was it the Red Team that won?

And why wasn’t the Red Team wearing red?

I don’t know the answer to either of these questions, and I’m actually OK with embracing the mystery here so don’t bother telling me.

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The most anticipated SDSU football games of 2017, ranked

Not to distract from the Mission Valley Greyscale outbreak happening up on Montezuma Mesa at the moment, but assuming our entire roster isn’t quarantined for the next four months, the San Diego State football team does have a season of football to play.

A pretty important one at that!

Now, cliche coach speak platitudes will tell you that the most important game of the year is the next one on the schedule. And that’s a good message to keep 20-year-old players focused without looking too far ahead. But I’m not a coach. (For good reason. “No one expects a fake punt on 3rd down!”) So I get to look ahead as much as I want.

Here are the OFFICIAL POWER RANKINGS of the SDSU’s most anticipated/exciting/important games of 2017:

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DEVELOPING: The official Chickenpox Panic of 2017 update post

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Over the weekend, we got the super good and cool news that three SDSU football players, including a starting offensive lineman, had come down with a highly contagious disease that was at risk of spreading to the entire team. How exciting!

As this is a developing story, we’ve decided to compile all the chickenpox outbreak updates in one place. This post will be updated as news develops.

(let’s hope there are not too many updates)

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Little Dutcher boy sticks finger in recruiting dike, becomes Dutcher Man

When our Most Revered Coaching Savior Stephen Louis Fisher retired in April after a wildly successful 18-year tenure as San Diego State head basketball coach, longtime Assistant Coach/Head Coach in Waiting Brian Dutcher finally elevated to the big chair he had waited so patiently for. Upon his long-foreshadowed ascension, one big question hung over the mesa like a cloud of bro-stank from a Pennywise mosh pit:

The question appears to have been affirmatively answered: HELLS YEAH BRAH!! Jump in the Zeigsmobile…

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