Can you believe it? August just started and football is already crushing our damn souls. Yesterday, we got some news out of Baltimore Ravens camp about rookie Nico Siragusa and it was not good. It was quite awful, actually!
That is absolutely devastating for Siragusa, who signed a 4-year, $3 million deal in May. Of course, because the NFL is basically the devil, that money is not guaranteed. Fortunately, he did bank a $620,000 signing bonus, so not all is lost. But man. First training camp and this happens?
Get well soon, Nico. We’ll all be pulling for you.
Thankfully, there was also some news about NFL Aztecs that *didn’t* make me want to listen to Johnny Cash’s cover of “Hurt” on loop for three hours while lying on the bathroom floor.
- Damontae Kazee is apparently wrecking shit in Falcons camp. Just don’t tell him that.
Phrasing, Damontae!
- D.J. Pumphrey is now listed at No. 3 on the Eagles running back depth chart but he’s been sitting out with a hamstring injury.
- Ronnie Hillman is in Cowboys camp for the most Cowboys reason possible.
- Gavin Escobar is a Chief now and we have very rad proof:
Meanwhile, in Canada
Click here to see Ryan Lindley in Ottawa, wingin’ passes in a safari hat because (?). I’m sure it all makes sense up there. This will be the cover art for Attempted Chemistry’s forthcoming “Ryan Lindley CFL Chronicles” series.
Stras is hurt, dammit
More shitty news, this time from the diamond:
Fffffffffff. Somebody move Kawhi Leonard to a secure location, STAT.
Wicked pissuh of a trade
Addison Reed, one of baseball’s most sought-after chips at the trade deadline, was dealt from the Mets to the Red Sox. In addition to being thrust into a pennant race, Addison now has some culture shock to deal with. As such, we’ve compiled this helpful list of things to do to help him get adjusted to his Masshole surroundings.
- Learn to drive on roundabouts
- Prepare to have Paulie from Fitchburg complain about “that bum Anduhsun Reed” every time you have an outing where you allow a baserunner
- Pretend Dunkin’ Donuts isn’t trash
- Never, ever listen to WEEI
- Get ready to play a Sunday Night Baseball game every week that last 4 hours and 57 minutes
Good luck, Addison. Pitch well. Just not well enough that Bill Simmons ends up happy in October.
Jamaal stacks paper
Jamaal Franklin won’t be headed back to the NBA after all, but he’s got a pretty damn good consolation prize.
This raises a valid question: Would you rather sit at the end of an NBA bench for the league minimum, or get paid handsomely to drop 60-point games and be a damn celebrity in a place that looks like this?
Considering Maal has already had his taste of the NBA life over parts of two seasons, we think he chose well.
Thames to Israel
Want more international hoops news? X is going to dispense it to you (did I do this right?).
Mazel, X!
Carl Weathers woke tweet of the week
KABEER THIRTY 