Game Preview: Aztecs vs. Stanford Cardinal


What: Stanford Cardinal vs. San Diego State Aztecs
When: Saturday, September 16, 7:30 p.m.
TV: CBS Sports Network
Line: Stanford -9.5

Stansbury, the Harvard of the west!
North, south, east, or west, there is only one HAAAAAAAR-VARD. All Jessie Spano wanted to do was go to Stansbury, and she totally pooched the SAT. Zack then hired bad actor James, a waiter at The Max, to play a representative from Harvard. The man is meant to stand out as a bad actor on Saved By The Bell, so you know how that goes. And Stansbury totally bought it! Also, they offered Slater a car to go there! That’s a rules violation! Tells you what kind of school we’re dealing with here!

A good one with a good football team standing in the way of San Diego State becoming the latest Group Of Five darling.

Why should we be scared of them?
They’re a ranked Power Five team, so let’s get that out of the way. Their strength on defense is stopping the run, which is where San Diego State excels on offense. Their strength on offense is their run game, which is San Diego State’s strength!

One could say these are similar teams, which is scary.


Except Stanford has a better passing game. If senior QB Keller Chryst can be thrown off of his game similarly to last week vs. USC, advantage: San Diego State. If San Diego State allows him the feel comfortable, we’re possibly looking at a long night.

This expert analysis is free, folks.

Do they have anyone worth watching?
For starters, let’s point out the obvious/fun player to watch – senior CB Alijah Holder, Micah Holder’s twin brother. He will (possibly/probably) be covering Micah Holder. This is fun. You will hear about it. A lot. On the other side, junior CB Quentin Meeks is also a San Diego kid with NFL prospects. That’s an understatement, as he’s the better of the two and one of the best corners in college football.

Stanford’s linebacking corps is full of seniors; outside linebackers Joey Alfieri and Peter Kalambayi, ILBs Bobby Okere and Kevin Palma. The former are a 2016 all-Pac-12 honorable mention and preseason Butkus Award nominee, respectively.

On offense, Chryst has made it back to start 2017 despite a major knee injury suffered in January’s Sun Bowl – a marvel in its own right. Junior RB Bryce Love picked up where he left off last year, running for 180 and 160 against Rice and USC, respectively. Senior TE Dalton Schultz is a preseason Mackey Award watch list nominee.

Why should we hate them?
I believe Mr. Aztecs Killing Him has this covered.

Do they have any famous alumni we can make fun of?
God, throw a dart and pick a tech bro douchebag. Otherwise, uh … maybe we sit this one out?

Will we beat them?
No. Yes. Perhaps? Logic says “probably not,” my heart says “FUCK YEAH,” and their powers combined says this is going to be a close game, regardless.

Let’s say 21-17, Stanford. Or 21-17, San Diego State. Gosh, this is going to be fun/terrible.

Author: Advisory Columnist

On the Twitter @EgosAndDespair, where I mostly tweet about stuff that has nothing to do with why you followed me to begin with. Follow along!


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