Alumni Report Special Edition: Baseball playoffs rooting guide

The MLB playoffs are here, which, let’s face it, has not been a thing of huge relevance in the city of San Diego for a decade or so. ūüė¶

But this year is different!

This October you’ll be hearing as much about #AztecForLife basebros as you do about four hour erections. OK, almost as much. As such, I’ve compiled an SDSU fan rooting guide for the National League and American League Division Serieses (Serie?).

Whatever. Let’s get on with it.

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AZTECS ALUMNI REPORT: Terrible news for Neeks, Reed gets traded, Maal gets paid

Can you believe it? August just started and football is already crushing our damn souls. Yesterday, we got some news out of Baltimore Ravens camp about rookie Nico Siragusa and it was not good. It was quite awful, actually!

That is absolutely devastating for Siragusa, who signed a 4-year, $3 million deal in May. Of course, because the NFL is basically the devil, that money is not guaranteed. Fortunately, he did bank a $620,000 signing bonus, so not all is lost. But man. First training camp and this happens?

Get well soon, Nico. We’ll all be pulling for you.

Continue reading “AZTECS ALUMNI REPORT: Terrible news for Neeks, Reed gets traded, Maal gets paid”

AZTECS ALUMNI REPORT: Stras is an All Star, Reed might be a Nat, Bubba waits in the wings

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HEY NOW, YOU’RE … (sigh) … Look, you know the rest, I’m not even going to finish typing this.

These truly are the dog days of summer for the Alumni Report. Hoops is over, NFL camps haven’t yet begun and our #AztecForLife mayor hasn’t even been publicly humiliated in weeks! What is there to talk about?

Fortunately, we have our trusty SDSU basebros to carry us through.

Continue reading “AZTECS ALUMNI REPORT: Stras is an All Star, Reed might be a Nat, Bubba waits in the wings”

The sex number, the weed number, the serpent, the priest

By any measure, San Diego State men’s golf alum Xander Schauffele had a pretty nice showing at this past weekend’s U.S. Open at Erin Hills. The Aztec For Life and PGA Tour rookie found himself tied for second after the first round, a position I would most certainly fuck up myself. He did not. Through the weekend, Schauffele kept himself in striking distance to¬†potentially win the damn thing.

After narrowly losing out on a PGA Tour card on the 2016 Web.com Tour (presumably Inter.net and InformationSuperhighway.org were already taken), Xander joined fellow Aztecs J.J. Spaun and Scott Piercy on the 2017 PGA tour via his qualifying finish at the Web.com Tour Finals. Would he pull out another last-minute success at the U.S. Open?

Indeed. He finished the tournament tied for 5th, shooting a final round 69 to earn a purse of $420k.

Continue reading “The sex number, the weed number, the serpent, the priest”

AZTECS ALUMNI REPORT: DJ Pumphrey is going to be in a thing called a ‘pony set’ which is somehow even sexier than it sounds

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The Philadelphia Eagles have some big plans for Donnel Pumphrey. It seems the rookie is going to be utilized in something called a “pony set”.


A PONY. SET. FOLKS.

/fans self

Continue reading “AZTECS ALUMNI REPORT: DJ Pumphrey is going to be in a thing called a ‘pony set’ which is somehow even sexier than it sounds”

AZTECS ALUMNI REPORT: DJ Gay gets a new gig and the NBA’s third-best team is garbage without Kawhi

Taking a break from lifting entire cars over his head and breaking Batman’s spine, fan-favorite point guard of the 2011 Sweet 16 team DJ Gay has been named head basketball coach at Chula Vista’s Victory Christian Academy.

As a women’s studies major at SDSU who played professionally in Europe, Coach Gay will be a great mentor for these young men in both their basketball careers and growth as members of society. He may or may not also force feed them Creatine shakes and spend an unreasonable amount of time on deadlifts. He’s a large man, is what I’m getting at.

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AZTECS ALUMNI REPORT: The Golden State Warriors are history’s greatest monsters

The Golden State Warriors want me dead. They tried to kill me through mind-numblingly inept and boring basketball when I was teenager in the Bay Area in the 1990s. Fortunately, I managed to survive those bleak years of Donyell Marshall and Todd Fuller by developing a lifelong apathy toward the NBA.

Naturally, now that I’ve been shaken from my apathy by a San Diego State alumnus achieving superstar status, the Warriors are coming for my ass again.

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AZTECS ALUMNI REPORT: North County erects statue to an Aztec legend and it’s somehow not Tom Craft (?)

Your weekly roundup of SDSU alumni in the ranks of professional sports or wherever:

Tony Gwynn statue
The Tony Gwynn statue has arrived in Poway.

I have no joke for this; it’s just v. cool and good.

Continue reading “AZTECS ALUMNI REPORT: North County erects statue to an Aztec legend and it’s somehow not Tom Craft (?)”