Get ready to watch some underclassmen from the comfort of your super chill cabana

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We’ve been waiting in breathless anticipation to see what San Diego State is going to do this year to make the Concrete Tombstone feel like a real home, rather than a crumbling purgatory used to rightfully imprison the most pathetic owner in pro sports. We’ve talked about the possibilities before on the blog, but so far SDSU has been pretty mum on its intentions.

Even at least week’s scrimmage, the most notable change was what wasn’t there.

Today, we got some more clues. Bye bye end zone sections, hello … Premium Hospitality Cabanas?

Continue reading “Get ready to watch some underclassmen from the comfort of your super chill cabana”

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Aztecs return to the Tombstone for the scrimmagiest of scrimmages

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Bend the knee.

Two weeks from the opener and in the wake of the Great Chickenpox Panic of 2017, the San Diego State fanfest/scrimmage/infectious disease quarantine saw the Black Team beat the Red Team 27-6 on Saturday.

Wait. Or was it the Red Team that won?

And why wasn’t the Red Team wearing red?

I don’t know the answer to either of these questions, and I’m actually OK with embracing the mystery here so don’t bother telling me.

Continue reading “Aztecs return to the Tombstone for the scrimmagiest of scrimmages”

The most anticipated SDSU football games of 2017, ranked

Not to distract from the Mission Valley Greyscale outbreak happening up on Montezuma Mesa at the moment, but assuming our entire roster isn’t quarantined for the next four months, the San Diego State football team does have a season of football to play.

A pretty important one at that!

Now, cliche coach speak platitudes will tell you that the most important game of the year is the next one on the schedule. And that’s a good message to keep 20-year-old players focused without looking too far ahead. But I’m not a coach. (For good reason. “No one expects a fake punt on 3rd down!”) So I get to look ahead as much as I want.

Here are the OFFICIAL POWER RANKINGS of the SDSU’s most anticipated/exciting/important games of 2017:

Continue reading “The most anticipated SDSU football games of 2017, ranked”

DEVELOPING: The official Chickenpox Panic of 2017 update post

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Over the weekend, we got the super good and cool news that three SDSU football players, including a starting offensive lineman, had come down with a highly contagious disease that was at risk of spreading to the entire team. How exciting!

As this is a developing story, we’ve decided to compile all the chickenpox outbreak updates in one place. This post will be updated as news develops.

(let’s hope there are not too many updates)

Continue reading “DEVELOPING: The official Chickenpox Panic of 2017 update post”

Little Dutcher boy sticks finger in recruiting dike, becomes Dutcher Man

When our Most Revered Coaching Savior Stephen Louis Fisher retired in April after a wildly successful 18-year tenure as San Diego State head basketball coach, longtime Assistant Coach/Head Coach in Waiting Brian Dutcher finally elevated to the big chair he had waited so patiently for. Upon his long-foreshadowed ascension, one big question hung over the mesa like a cloud of bro-stank from a Pennywise mosh pit:

The question appears to have been affirmatively answered: HELLS YEAH BRAH!! Jump in the Zeigsmobile…

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Let us all now freak out about our untested offensive line catching chicken pox maybe

LOL, you didn’t think the San Diego State football team was going to make it through fall camp unscathed did you? It seems every summer, the Aztecs end up hampered by injuries to an entire position group or a suspension for a stupid violation of team rules.

What will it be this year?

/spins Wheel of Misfortune

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Let’s see … box … fox … OH!! I’d like to solve the puzzle! CHICKENPOX!

Wait … chickenpox? Seriously??

The three players with chickenpox are junior offensive lineman Ryan Pope and senior linebackers Tyler Morris and Temerick Harper. Pope is a starter at right tackle, Morris and Harper are backup linebackers, but both play extensively on special teams.

Ffs.

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Welcome to the most important SDSU football season of our lifetimes. No pressure, fellas!

San Diego State opens fall camp today, and the stakes have truly never been higher.

Hey! Stop making that wanking motion, this is a family blog*!

OK, I’ll admit it. I rolled my eyes a little while writing that opening sentence, so I won’t blame if you if you did the same while reading it. In fact, I feel like I’ve written something approaching that level of hyperbole every single August that I’ve blogged about this team.

Continue reading “Welcome to the most important SDSU football season of our lifetimes. No pressure, fellas!”

AZTECS ALUMNI REPORT: Terrible news for Neeks, Reed gets traded, Maal gets paid

Can you believe it? August just started and football is already crushing our damn souls. Yesterday, we got some news out of Baltimore Ravens camp about rookie Nico Siragusa and it was not good. It was quite awful, actually!

That is absolutely devastating for Siragusa, who signed a 4-year, $3 million deal in May. Of course, because the NFL is basically the devil, that money is not guaranteed. Fortunately, he did bank a $620,000 signing bonus, so not all is lost. But man. First training camp and this happens?

Get well soon, Nico. We’ll all be pulling for you.

Continue reading “AZTECS ALUMNI REPORT: Terrible news for Neeks, Reed gets traded, Maal gets paid”