Charles Grodin High School principal and San Diego State head men’s basketball coach Brian Dutcher announced to his students today that he has agreed to a contract extension to lead the Aztecs through the 2022-23 season.
After the conclusion of the laser show portion of today’s annual “Taking Care Of Business” back to school assembly (named for the 1990 Charles Grodin/Jim Belushi film), Principal Dutcher took the stage and made the announcement.
“Hey fam! That laser display was p. darn lit, wouldn’t you say?” Dutcher began as a ninth grader in Heelys slid across the hardwood in front of him.
“I’d like to … gentlemen … EXCUSE ME, GENTLEMEN. COULD YOU PLEASE TAKE YOUR SEATS SO WE CAN CONTINUE? SQUAD GOALS, RIGHT?”
He continued after the interruption: “I’d like to announce that I will be extending my contract with San Diego State through the 2022-23 season.”
Principal Dutcher went on to explain that he would not relinquish his duties at Grodin High anytime soon.
“Like the namesake of this school, I was a supporting character for a very long time. I now have the opportunity to take the reigns, and I’m going to lose myself in the moment, own it. I’m never going to let it go. You only get one shot, so I’m not going to miss my chance to blow this opportunity.
“Your ‘Beethoven’ moment only comes once in a lifetime.”
“Beethoven” was a 1992 film starring Charles Grodin as the patriarch of a family with a large dog.
Principal Dutcher also assured students that things will remain the same around campus, as he intends to give “150 percent” to both jobs.
“I’m here for the long haul,” Dutcher continued. “I’m not about to let my students down! Remember, it’s me — ‘pal Dutch! You’re my baes.
Editor’s note: We offer sincere congratulations to Brian Dutcher. Dutch deserved this extension for the laudable job he did salvaging last year’s lost season and making his own lasting imprint on the program. We also believe he deserves to be savagely roasted for being Extremely Dad.