This has been the most dispiriting election most of us have ever lived through, and the Mountain West conference is a perennial disappointment. Can’t wait to get the results of both over with!
AF 31, Army 12
Air Force double-tapped the Black Knights in this skirmish between academies of our brave armed forces. The Falcons are now bowl eligible, and the military-industrial complex is the big winner this Tuesday no matter who gets elected.
A wide receiver named Edgar Poe caught a touchdown for Army. Full given name: Edgar Allan Poe. His long-dead namesake the poet Edgar Allan Poe was kicked out of West Point by court-martial in 1831. Poe the writer’s distant relative also named Edgar Allan Poe was quarterback of the undefeated Princeton Tigers in 1889. Weird!
Colorado State 37, Fresno State 0
Points scored by reeling Fresno: zero. Electoral college votes representing the 4 million-plus Americans in Puerto Rico, Guam and other overseas territories: also zero.
California voters are going to legalize recreational marijuana this Tuesday. It’s a historic policy shift, but unfortunately one that blunts many of the weed jokes previously apropos to Colorado. Bummer dude!
San Diego State 55, Hawai’i 0
Our favorite collegiate footballers the Aztecs dropped a double-nickel shutout on the outmatched Rainbows (see our recap). It was the biggest shutout in San Diego State’s D-I history. The Tecs are fucking baller. Speaking of great, how great is this logo:
“For some reason hibiscus and cocktails came to mind and I couldn’t use a cocktail in the ‘Battle of the Beaches’ design, so hibiscus it was.” – designer Keli Colombini.
WYO 52, Utah State 28
WY oh why does WYO keep winning? We have to be vigilant of these hardscrabble survivalists up in Cheney country. The Cowboys are scary and the Aztecs go to Laramie in two weeks. ‘Til then, just keep your head down and be a good citizen.
New Mexico 35, Nevada-Reno 26
Little reason to care about this down-ballot contest, right? Wrong! Nevada’s loss clinched the West division and a spot in the MW championship for the Aztecs. Vegas Bowl baby, or better, or bust. Please not bust.
So the championship game is December 3 on ABC, ESPN or ESPN2 at either 4:30, 4:45 or 5:00 pm in San Diego, Laramie or Boise. Mark your calendars with all permutations.
Boise State 45, SJST 31 (Friday)
Recount! Boise didn’t really tie the Spartans 0-0 because that’s literally impossible. Too bad. They’ll still be ranked next week and SDSU still needs to beat those yokels, literally or transitively, to move up in the polls. Vote Yes on Aztecs!
Other notable results:
Western Michigan beat Ball State 52-20 and ball isn’t even a state. WMU needs to lose already.
Washington State topped Arizona 69-7, which I think we can all agree is fun but a bit awkward.
NEXT WEEK in the Mountain West:
The Aztecs hit the road on a two-week swing and a rattled nation emerges into an uncertain future. Football games, all Saturday:
Wyoming at UNLV – WYO rolls to a comfortable win in Clark County.
Boise State at Hawai’i – The 50th state is solid Democratic blue, like that dumb blue turf Boise plays on.
New Mexico at Utah State – Evan McMullin will be on hand to toss the coin at old Romney Stadium, probably.
Colorado State at Air Force – In-state contest of little consequence.
San Diego State at Nevada (7:30 p.m. CBSSN) – Time to clean up in Reno and bank votes for the stretch run.
Fresno State and San Jose State are off this week; their abstentions are noted for the record.
KABEER THIRTY 